


Venom Vs. Poison

by 00Geeky00_00Goggles00



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Behavior, Gen, God damn it Angel, Humor, M/M, Only if you squint though - Freeform, Poor Alastor, Somebody help the dumbass deer boi, kinda shippy if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22218703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00Geeky00_00Goggles00/pseuds/00Geeky00_00Goggles00
Summary: So y'know that Tumblr post about the differences between venom and poison? I made that exchange into a conversation between Alastor and Angel. Enjoy.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 185





	Venom Vs. Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Read out or mouth along with the text if you can. It's best experienced read aloud. I deliberately formatted it like a script because a) I think it's funnier and snappier that way, and b) there's a chance the voice actors might see it and read it soooo... why not? ^_^'
> 
> AD is Angel Dust  
> AL is Alastor
> 
> Awesome. Cool beans. We good? Great.

AD: Hey Al?

AL, just noticing him: Ah, Angel! It is somewhat of a pleasure to see you! What can I do to help?"

AD mumbling, annoyed: Somewhat of a-... I know a lot of stuff you could do with that kinda tongue you-...

AL, interrupting: I'm sorry, what was that?

AD: I uh-... heh... I got a lot of shit I could ask you, but I got something on my mind about me.

AL, exasperated: I already told you the answer was n-...

AD, interrupting: Not that, ya eldritch coat hanger! // Nah, I was wondering if my bite's considered poisonous enough for me to be locked in that cabinet that Charlie thinks I don't know about. Sounds like there's some good shit in there.

//Al makes an offended noise.

AL: Oh! You mean venomous.

AD: Huh?

AL: You're venomous, not poisonous.

AD: Does it matter?

AL: Well you see my fluffy fellow...!

AD, mumbled: Damn it here we go...

AL: If you bite something and you die, it is poisonous, such as PCP!

AD: Hey!

AL: Hush. If it bites you and you die, it is venomous.

AD, suggestively: Oh Al~. If you wanna take a bite all ya gotta do is ask~.

AL: Hahaha! Not a chance in Hell, you salacious spider! Besides, despite my many talents, I have no venom!

AD: Uuuuugh! Fine. What if ya did bite me and you died?

AL: Hm. An extremely improbable situation, but if that happened we would know you were poisonous. Angel, kindly attempt not to *tune* me out. Hahaha!

AD, indignant: Hey! I was listening! It just wasn't clear.

AL: Apologies, then! Let me adjust my frequency for you! 

// There is some mild static, then he speaks in something far removed from his normal voice.

AL: Better?

AD, alarmed: No! Change it back! I might be a spider but that's fuckin' creepy!

// There's more static, then his voice is normal.

AL: Goodness, such language. Shall I leave you to your abject discomfort then?

AD: Hold on, you got me thinking...

AL: That's dangerous.

AD: Only for myself, Smiles. Here, I'll even ask 'em quick so you don't gotta worry about it.

AL: Fire away, my good man!

AD: Okay, what if it bites itself and I die?

// Alastor chuckles knowingly. 

AL: That's voodoo.

AD: If it bites me and someone else dies?

AL: That's correlation, not causation. And quite fortunate for you!

AD: If we bite each other and neither of us dies?

AL: That's kinky.

//A few beats of uncomfortable silence.

AD: Did you just...?

AL, either clueless or mortified at his brain for supplying that (you pick): I have no clue what you me-...

AD, interrupting, very brightly: Fuckin' FINALLY. Good on ya Smiles! Maybe that stick in your ass isn't superglued in after all!

AL, sputtering: No, I-... exc-... what?!

AD: Speaking of asses, once we get the stick outta yours, wanna put you stick in mine? No charge~.

AL, exasperated: I swear on Lucifer's inferior suit I will eviscerate you if you continue."

AD: Whatever gets a certain deer daddy to mou-...

AL: VAGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Do come collect your favorite spider before he finishes that sentence! And remind him //said pointedly to AD// GENTLY that he should not drink the bleach in that hopefully secured secret cabinet!"

AD: I wasn't gonna drink the bleach! I was gonna huff the detergent. Big difference.

AL: Ah! There's Vaggie now!

AD terrified, running away: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT...!

-Fin-


End file.
